


Never Forgiven

by lebedeinetraume



Category: Gintama, 銀魂 | Gintama (Live Action Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29373870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lebedeinetraume/pseuds/lebedeinetraume
Summary: When Itou takes on more than he can handle, Hijikata rushes to help but finds that he may not be able to save him entirely.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Itou Kamotarou
Kudos: 7





	Never Forgiven

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing. I love Itou with all of my heart. I honestly do and I believe he deserved to actually live the rest of his life happy with his friends.

The villain's body had just barely hit the rain-soaked pavement when Hijikata was already turning on his heels and rushing to Itou's side. Okita remained vigilant, having still to guard the area from other attackers, though they were certainly giving it some considerable thought after seeing Okita make quick work of the three men who were there upon their arrival. It was hoped that the presence of now two Shinsengumi patrol cars would be enough to deter further conflict, and though Okita would be keen for a fight, it was likely that their fallen partner would need help first... if it were even possible. Okita cast a glance behind him, regarding Hijikata as he dropped down next to their friend.  
  
The grief of the Demon Vice Chief did not come immediately. Even as Okita drew closer to them, he could see the blood all across Itou's chest and abdomen that pooled next to him, made larger by the continuous rainfall. His own heart lurched at the thought that they had been too late to stop this... too late to have been much use at all. At least now, yes... no one could fault him if he slaughtered every last member of this anti-terrorist faction for what they had done to one of their own.  
  
"Kamotarou?"  
  
Okita glanced at Hijikata again, surprised to hear such confusion and disbelief in his voice.  
  
"Why? Why did you do this you idiot?" Hijikata questioned as he took hold of Itou's shoulder and gave it several firm shakes. "Why did you take this faction on all by yourself? Why?"  
  
"Hi-Hi-Hiji-ka-ta-san..."  
  
Hijikata grasped Itou's shoulder, startled but then his expression of grief turned to relief as he undid his scarf. "Why you little bastard... why did you leave that note? Why did you do this?"  
  
"Wasn't I clear?" Itou asked. His breathing was labored and every little action he took caused his body to revolt and he cried out.  
  
"You said you don't deserve to be with us," said Hijikata as he pulled Itou's jacket and shirt apart so he could dress the deepest wound, an action that sent Itou into a fit of agony. "It was a mistake but you fixed it. No one is mad at you for what happened, Kamotarou. And more than that, it happened months ago. It's time to put it behind you."  
  
"I still don't deserve the forgiveness." Itou coughed harshly and shivered. "And I will never forgive myself for what happened. Because of me... I cost the Shinsengumi men..."  
  
"You exposed traitors."  
  
Itou's jaw quivered and he gave his head a soft shake. "They wouldn't have been if I hadn't put it to them."  
  
"That's a lie." Hijikata pressed the scarf to the wound, causing Itou to jerk upwards. The agonized groan cut through Hijikata's heart and the moment that Itou reached out for him, Hijikata was there to meet his hand, except it was Okita who took it.  
  
"If those men weren't actual traitors, the moment you backed down they'd have done so as well. Several did." Okita canted his head before handing Hijikata his own scarf for him to use. "The ones I killed were worthless traitors who ignored the call to stand down. They weren't happy with things before and they never would have been. Kondo-san was right when he said that what you did was expose the divide that had been growing in our ranks even before you joined."  
  
Itou shivered and began weeping weakly.  
  
"You've proven yourself," said Hijikata as he finished the bandage and took off his jacket to place it over Itou's body. Shock was setting in and certainly the cold rain wasn't helping in many respects. "You didn't need to do this on your own to prove that you're sorry."  
  
"I can never forgive myself," whispered Itou.  
  
"You have to learn how." Hijikata began looking at the other wounds, fearful that there was something else other than the other cuts that was slowly killing his friend. "You're one of us now, whether you can forgive yourself or not. I came back even though I felt to blame for a lot of what happened. I couldn't forgive myself then... but then I realized, it was just me who needed to let go of it."  
  
"But how can I trust myself again?" Itou asked. "How do I know I won't betray you guys in the future?"  
  
"You won't."  
  
"But how can you be so sure?" Itou coughed harshly and jerked up, interrupting Hijikata's inspection. "What if I forget that you guys really are my friends... what if the Kihetai come back and try to convince me again? How do I know that I am not a traitor at heart?"  
  
"Because of everything you've done since then," said Hijikata. "You came all the way out here on your own to prove that you're sorry. You've allowed yourself to be demoted and went through your punishment without complaint. The men respect you, Kamotarou. You aren't their leader because of your past... they follow you willingly because you gained their trust and respect. Kamotarou... your letter... you weren't going to come back from this because of the guilt that you still feel."  
  
Hijikata set his hand on Itou's hair and he smoothed the blonde hair back, only to notice that he was leaving a streak of blood. He glanced anxiously at Itou and saw a spot that he had missed, one that was still cloaked by Itou's jacket. Hijikata swept it aside and saw a stab wound.  
  
"Ka-Kacchan!"  
  
Itou didn't respond as his eyes had closed, but even still, he whimpered at the pain of his injuries that continued to drag him towards eternal darkness.   
  
"Don't you dare!" Hijikata pulled Itou up into his arms and held him firmly. "We can get through this, Kacchan! Whatever is making you feel this way, whatever is driving you towards this conclusion... we can fix it! Kacchan! Do you hear me?"  
  
Itou's head slid against Hijikata's shoulder and his shivering subsided and then all together stopped. The whimpering too ceased in an instant and the rain that Hijikata had forgotten about, suddenly felt like the entire world was draining upon him. He sat there in a stunned silence for what seemed minutes, just holding the person he called friend.  
  
"K-Ka-Kamotarou... we're fixing this... it's an order..." Hijikata blinked, growing numb as he held Itou's limp form, cradling him against his body. "You can't defy me... not even in death you bastard... I am your Vice Chief... you are not allowed to die yet."  
  
"Hijikata-san," came Okita's voice, unusually somber.  
  
Hijikata's eyes welled with tears and he put his head to Itou's and wept.  
~~~*~~~


End file.
